Animal Joke Enthusiasts Gifts

COWS: Pull up man!! You're going too deep

'Yeah, I'm sorry to break it to you bud, that eating grass thing is a myth!'

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"Better start moving towards shelter: the weather forecast is for rain this afternoon..."

"Two of every known creature on the planet and you forgot the pooper-scooper?"

"Hurry up, I'm hungry."

"Try to blame that one on the dog."

The continuing adventures of Rex, Washington DC insider.

Rogue elephant

Vulture proclaims its love for highways.

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

"We've done it Agnes. We're living the dream."

You dope! Why would you build our home right next to a power plant?

Penguin kid to parents: 'Big deal! You're grounding me!'

"Okay, which one of you called me CANDYASS?!"

'My mother was a real bitch!'

"I'm not concerned about us as long as there is nothing in the stimulus package for cats."

Swine flu

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

"Don't panic Daisy dear. You can relax your buttocks, it's not the vet, it's the chimney sweep."

Oh look, Marv - We're just in time for the running of the fools!

"....one minute I'm there - chewing the cud - the next, I get this urge to lead!"

'I've been sentenced to five weeks while they go on holidays... What about you guys?'

'The day has come.'

'He has high blood pressure. You'll have to keep him in a salt substitute, water tank.'

Polly Clinic.

'No problem Mr. Billings, just drop your shorts and let me take a sniff around there.'

"This has you as three feet tall but I don't see you as more than two and a half."

"...and if your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump off a cliff?"

You're lucky - I wish mine was such a picky eater.

"The good news is, the side effects of your nut allergy aren't really dangerous."

"I don't have any money. I'm a mullet."