Animal Joke Enthusiasts Gifts

COWS: Pull up man!! You're going too deep

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

'Yeah, I'm sorry to break it to you bud, that eating grass thing is a myth!'

"Better start moving towards shelter: the weather forecast is for rain this afternoon..."

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"Hurry up, I'm hungry."

"Try to blame that one on the dog."

The continuing adventures of Rex, Washington DC insider.

Rogue elephant

Vulture proclaims its love for highways.

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

Penguin kid to parents: 'Big deal! You're grounding me!'

"We've done it Agnes. We're living the dream."

'My mother was a real bitch!'

"I'm not concerned about us as long as there is nothing in the stimulus package for cats."

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'

Swine flu

"Don't panic Daisy dear. You can relax your buttocks, it's not the vet, it's the chimney sweep."

Oh look, Marv - We're just in time for the running of the fools!

"....one minute I'm there - chewing the cud - the next, I get this urge to lead!"

'The day has come.'

'I've been sentenced to five weeks while they go on holidays... What about you guys?'

'He has high blood pressure. You'll have to keep him in a salt substitute, water tank.'

"...and if your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump off a cliff?"

Polly Clinic.

"This has you as three feet tall but I don't see you as more than two and a half."

"I don't have any money. I'm a mullet."

'Looks like we've got ourselves another cow jacking.'

'No problem Mr. Billings, just drop your shorts and let me take a sniff around there.'

"The good news is, the side effects of your nut allergy aren't really dangerous."