Animal Joke Lovers Gifts

"Guess what! I didn't even know I was broken but tomorrow I'm gonna get 'fixed!'"

Seriously, try leaving them out for a day. They're delicious al dente!

Christmas presents! Reindeer poo!

"What road do you want to dart across today?"

'Yeah, I'm sorry to break it to you bud, that eating grass thing is a myth!'

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

"Better start moving towards shelter: the weather forecast is for rain this afternoon..."

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

"Hurry up, I'm hungry."

"Two of every known creature on the planet and you forgot the pooper-scooper?"

"His mother was a poodle and his father was a shoe."

'We call these supernumerary teats!'

The continuing adventures of Rex, Washington DC insider.

"Try to blame that one on the dog."

Rogue elephant

Vulture proclaims its love for highways.

'Leap frog? No thanks- I'm a toad.'

"I'm not kidding: I am feline too and I do love swimming!"

You dope! Why would you build our home right next to a power plant?

'Scary movie?'

"We've done it Agnes. We're living the dream."

"I'll tell you how much wood I could chuck if I could—a lot, like, half a cord!"

I loved Venice: So many statues to perch upon and people to feed you...

"Okay, which one of you called me CANDYASS?!"

Cow in a vest: Well, I think I look like Bruce Willis!

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

Penguin kid to parents: 'Big deal! You're grounding me!'

'My mother was a real bitch!'

"I'm not concerned about us as long as there is nothing in the stimulus package for cats."

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

Swine flu

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'

Pavlov's Dog, Ph.D.