Animal Irony Fan Gifts

"I don't know about you, but I am delighted by all this incongruity."

101 uses of a dead cat: bird table

"The good old days of eating the washing off the line are all gone methinks: The farmer has bought an electric dryer..."

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

'Oh for heaven's sake, you're a cow. Just eat grass and be happy.'

The americanisation of vulture.

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

"Mmmm! Bears hibernate in the winter. Cats can hibernate anytime we want!"

'Oh Hi!'

"Author does not do tricks."

For heavens sake,put some make-up on!

"I can't decide who gets the promotion, so we'll settle it with a rope toy Tug O' War."

Bases loaded, no outs. And coach once again turns to his trusty golden reliever.

"Excuse me ma'am, may I help you cross the road so that I can get the answer to this dumb joke my friend keeps telling?"

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

'Oh don't worry, we had him defanged.'

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

'Ha ha! No kidding! You're pretty much most people's worst enemy.'

"Don't listen to her! She's a cuckoo: what would she know about parenting?!"

Cat plays an arcade game that involves shooting at gun into a mouse hole.

"Gazelle's pizza! Delivered fast and delicious... Um, you guys aren't interested in pizza are you!?"

"This isn't helping my migraine."

Another Time Travel Pair o' Ducks.

'Sorry lady, can't help you: Yes, I can herd pretty much anything, but not cats, and certainly not kittens...'

Cat leaves obedience school smiling because he got an 'F' on his report card.

'...doomed...from here...to eter...nity...'

'Boy, am I going to be pleased when the pregnancy is over...'

Why giraffes hate winter

"I rented out the basement."

'I feel like such a failure: They have to process my milk to make it low-fat...'

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

"I call it Distressed Feline."