Animal Lover's Irony Gifts

Noah's Ark Books: No animals allowed.

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

Diner

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

Are you the guy who ate my brother?

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

'Someone's feeling bullish.'

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

"Actually I never loved you."

"I'm thinking considerably longer. How about you, Alan?"

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

"We pride ourselves on defying expectations."

'The butler did it.'

'When I said you'd have to jump through hoops, I meant you'll have to literally jump through hoops.'

Animal rescue center

"Frankenstein? Isn't the story of a being made from the parts of others a little far-fetched?" "I find it very believable."

"Would you thrive in a hostile work environment?"

Chippunks

Rattache

Animal worries.

"Good news. Pork bellies just dropped four points."

'You have some nice car chasing scenes here.'

"Definitely work-related."

Cow with Hay In Tray and Milk Out Tray.

"I had no alternative Mr. Prendergast. Your daughter fell and broke her leg."

Competitors complained that Sir Hops-A-Lot's souther steed gave him an unfair advantage."

'Ah look, what a lovely tortoise shell cat.'

Tropical Cow Tank

"What a darling chihuahua! Is he friendly?"

"We raise our beef humanely."

"We don't do that kind of cattle futures, ma'am. You want Madam Mystic down the street."

'Aren't you glad we gave her a rabies vaccination this year?'