Animal Lover's Irony Gifts

Noah's Ark Books: No animals allowed.

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

Diner

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

Are you the guy who ate my brother?

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

"Actually I never loved you."

'Someone's feeling bullish.'

"I'm thinking considerably longer. How about you, Alan?"

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

"Good news. Pork bellies just dropped four points."

'When I said you'd have to jump through hoops, I meant you'll have to literally jump through hoops.'

Rattache

"Would you thrive in a hostile work environment?"

Animal worries.

Animal rescue center

Chippunks

"Frankenstein? Isn't the story of a being made from the parts of others a little far-fetched?" "I find it very believable."

'The butler did it.'

"We pride ourselves on defying expectations."

'You have some nice car chasing scenes here.'

"Definitely work-related."

"I had no alternative Mr. Prendergast. Your daughter fell and broke her leg."

"We don't do that kind of cattle futures, ma'am. You want Madam Mystic down the street."

"What a darling chihuahua! Is he friendly?"

"We raise our beef humanely."

Tropical Cow Tank

Competitors complained that Sir Hops-A-Lot's souther steed gave him an unfair advantage."

'Ah look, what a lovely tortoise shell cat.'

'Aren't you glad we gave her a rabies vaccination this year?'

Please do not give insider tips to the bears.