Animal Exploitation Analyst Gifts

"So Marty, how's business these days?" "Great. I've just sold my homing pigeon for the 34th time."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Bears catching fish

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"If you can’t beat ’em, roll around in their decaying carcass."

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

"I have to give you credit. You're a pit bull and you're nice on and offline."

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

'You show me how to pass that ridiculous company loyalty test, and I'll show you how to always land on your feet!'

'Oh my God, dog biscuits are down!'

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

'Right, you peck his left paw, I'll go for the right one.'

Ophiologist

Surfer and the Whale

'That's what I wanted to ask you about.'

'Please Miss, I know why birds fly south in the winter. It's because it's too far to walk!'

"Why would I demean myself to be Master's best friend when I can be Master's master?"

"Mine has a terrible battery life."

I'm not just being paranoid, Margret. His breath smells like dolphin and I even found a flipper in his coat pocket yesterday. I really think Earl's hitting the bottlenose again.

'Switch off that mobile phone, we can't afford to have you distracted: You're on watch duty!'

'I'm a good ape, but I've never really been a great ape.'

'Dogs are nothing but kiss-ups!'

'George, kitty got tired of waiting for us to let her in.'

"Great work son, but you should have gone for the baby!"

"The only difference between the big cats and us is that they can be trained."

'Fidelity is overrated.'

'Ed's in medical research.'

'Individually lemmings are fine, but get a bunch of 'em together and they'll head straight for the nearest cliff.'

"Well, hello. You're such a cute doggie!"