Animal Behavior Analyst Gifts

'We were arguing, and I said, 'OK, Man's Best Friend, name just ONE aspect of canine loyalty that DOESN'T revolve around food. Next thing I know, we've got a full-blown existential crisis in progress here.'

'Switch off that mobile phone, we can't afford to have you distracted: You're on watch duty!'

'You show me how to pass that ridiculous company loyalty test, and I'll show you how to always land on your feet!'

"We've tried forming a collective--no leader, no power dynamics, but we just ended up flying in a circle over Winnipeg."

'Individually lemmings are fine, but get a bunch of 'em together and they'll head straight for the nearest cliff.'

'Laugh, and the whole world laughs with you.. cry, and you're out of this family.'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"What do you mean, you can't walk without your head going back and forth like that?! Are you serious?"

"Sometimes I'm not sure if I chase my tail or my tail chases me."

"Mine has a terrible battery life."

"A fight with a wild boar!? Rubbish! Listen lady, he got that scar fighting with me!"

"He binge watches TED talks about getting the upper hand with cats."

"Why would I demean myself to be Master's best friend when I can be Master's master?"

"Great work son, but you should have gone for the baby!"

"Yeah, my attack on the gnu made it to the final cut of the documentary and it was shown in slow motion: awesome!"

'Please Miss, I know why birds fly south in the winter. It's because it's too far to walk!'

'I'm getting a lot of anger.'

When to back off...

Dog orders cat to bring slippers for master.

"Oh Christ! Not again, surely."

'Oh, she came on to you, did she? Listen, I saw the whole thing on the nature channel, you fool! The mating call, the dance, the strut, the display of feathers. And just like me, she fell for it!'

"Actually, I was looking for someone with a prehensile mind."

'Dogs are nothing but kiss-ups!'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"If you can’t beat ’em, roll around in their decaying carcass."

"You're doing that all wrong."

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

"The bird table was a smart move. No more cat trouble while they eat."

"My mistake. We are all apes. You can groom me if you want to."

'Feel free to attack the mirror, but please, don't mess up the cupboard again, Mr Bird.'

"Not there, either, huh? Here, let me call it."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"I don't get what all the fuss is about."

"The only difference between the big cats and us is that they can be trained."