Animal Kingdom Analyst Gifts

'I'm a good ape, but I've never really been a great ape.'

Noah's Art Sports Network. Are we all set for the Super Bowl broadcast? I think so. The turtle will handle the pregame show which seems to drag on forever. A zebra will be brought on to analyze close calls referees have to make. The sloth is in charge of slow motion shots. And color will be provided by the chameleon. Thankfully, there's a retractable roof over at the stadium. That's good. The forecast says there's a possibility of a little rain.

"It's settled - we'll eat the slowest and the weakest."

A crowd of happy pet owners.

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"It's called 'semelparity' darling. The salmon spawn then die, so we just need to wait at the spawning grounds to get an easy feed. It's all about sustainability."

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

Hitch-hiking Penguin.

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

"It says here that humans are the only member of the animal kingdom who can have sex any time, any place."

'What are we, wimps? Are we gonna let a bunch of rabbits push us all over the field? Come on, big guys.'

'Check out the old dude.'

"So, I've heard you call yourself 'King of the Jungle'! Based on what criteria exactly?"

Thug life on safari.

"Sorry - He's changed His mind again. Stripes on the zebra, spots on the giraffe, no stars on the lion and make the elephant bigger and the amoebae smaller."

"Want to find out if you're also king of the swamp?"

'I like zebras. They have great taste, and wonderful personalities too.'

Ted often though back to those good old days when he was king of just the jungle.

I read on Candorville.com that was rank 29,705th in the world when it comes to attention spans. What? Aren't there only 196 countries? The article didn't just include human countries. It included the various animal kingdoms and the plant republics. Did you know that Americans have an eight-second attention span ... but the goldfish who live in little Lionel Brown's aquarium kingdom at 1492 MLK Way in Candorville have a nine-second attention span? Are you sure you weren't reading a humor column?

'I prefer the term 'mobile home'.'

Dog Looks Alarmed At The Vets.

"Let's do it, let's fall in love!"

'Go and hunt for your own lunch. Who do you think I am, Ray Mears?!'

'Take me to your leader Earthworm.'

'Thanks for the heads up!'

'A lovely day, a good meal, and, thank heaven, no guilt.'

The different taste regions on a blue whale's tongue.

Want the wings as an appetizer?

'Think about it: There's only one Queen, so we must be sisters!'

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

"Well it looks like we're all here."

"I need the sun's energy to warm my blood and give me energy. You could almost say I'm solar-powered..."