Animal Kingdom Enthusiast Gifts

"The big shell is nice, but the property taxes are a killer."

'Sorry, I've been head-hunted by another pride.'

'Monkey with banana.'

Spawning did nothing for Maurice and Kevin.

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here? Mr. Lupo...?'

'She's had liposuction.'

"Yes, I'm vegan and no longer eat the prey animals but it's still a lot of fun to kill them!"

"My date? The idiot tried to impress me with a mighty roar: my ears are still ringing!"

"You call that a 'jury of my peers'!?"

"It says here that humans are the only member of the animal kingdom who can have sex any time, any place."

'I've gone from King of the Jungle to team leader.'

'We're done scavenging! Now, move along.'

Animal lovers.

Thug life on safari.

'Thank goodness you're home: He's been practising his roar all day! I'm cracking up...'

Zebra to lion: 'You're going to have to stop stalking me. However, you can follow me on Twitter.'

'YAY! Grass gravy!'

"This is my first drink of the day."

Carnivores V Herbivores.

Food chain.

'I used to be the King of Beasts, but they overthrew me, declared a republic, and elected a monkey!'

"Wait till you hear this one! This little fella is calling himself a mammal and he reckons one day they're going to dominate the Earth!"

'A King hey! What a coincidence, we're all Emperors here...'

'Hey, nice gun! What do you hunt with it?'

Yeah, maybe so, but you're not higher up on the food chain. (Published originally on April 28, 2009.)

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

"Wait, I identify as a snake!"

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

A crowd of happy pet owners.

The Zoo.

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"He was overly socialized as a puppy."

Seagiraffes

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."