Angst Appreciator Pillows

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

Teenage Shakespeare

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

Punk Reindeer

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

'Of course I'm depressed. I've run out of places to pierce.'

"I'm an expert in crisis management, I've got three daughters!"

"Pencil eraser."

Couple kissing by a 'Ped Xing and Oing' sign.

"Dear Mom and Dad: Thanks for the happy childhood. You've destroyed any chance I had of becoming a writer."

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

'Today's unwilling nude model is Ralph.'

"It's an adjustment being a handshake guy in a fist-bump company."

Couple in Grey

"And with that being said Polly became dinner." "Polly wanna cracker?" "Polly wanna piece of yo mama's sweet behind." "Oh boy..."

"My parents are nice, school's going well, and I'm basically a good kid. Unfortunately, there's no money or fame in being normal."

Desktop Print Hell: '...an eternity of different printers and no windows driver...'

"I really think I can handle this date on my own."

'Global warming, international terrorism, melting polar ice caps, receding hairline... It's all very worrying.'

Colin had heard that women liked honesty in men.

"I made a big mistake getting into ladies underwear..."

"I sleep poorly anyway, so you might as well put me in high-risk investments."

'I'm still beautiful you know . . . you just have to read between the lines.'

'He has a doctorate in worrying.'

The Scream take its temperature

'Great fireworks! Reminds me of the coach after we lost the game!'

"I'm ot saying you're fired Ed, but I'm also not saying where I hid your desk."

'Gail, my dear, please don't talk about sex - my God this is a restaurant!'

'The return of the Jehovah's Witnesses'

Massage Mushroom Cloud

"Honey! Remember when you used to nibble my ear?"

"Social crutch."

"You want me to pee in that cup. From here?"