Angst Appreciator Gifts

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

Teenage Shakespeare

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

Punk Reindeer

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"I warned you about putting funny stuff on the ball, Flanagan."

Couple kissing by a 'Ped Xing and Oing' sign.

'Of course I'm depressed. I've run out of places to pierce.'

David Bowie

"Pencil eraser."

"I'm an expert in crisis management, I've got three daughters!"

"Dear Mom and Dad: Thanks for the happy childhood. You've destroyed any chance I had of becoming a writer."

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

'Today's unwilling nude model is Ralph.'

"And with that being said Polly became dinner." "Polly wanna cracker?" "Polly wanna piece of yo mama's sweet behind." "Oh boy..."

Couple in Grey

"It's an adjustment being a handshake guy in a fist-bump company."

"My parents are nice, school's going well, and I'm basically a good kid. Unfortunately, there's no money or fame in being normal."

Desktop Print Hell: '...an eternity of different printers and no windows driver...'

"I really think I can handle this date on my own."

'Global warming, international terrorism, melting polar ice caps, receding hairline... It's all very worrying.'

Colin had heard that women liked honesty in men.

"I made a big mistake getting into ladies underwear..."

"I sleep poorly anyway, so you might as well put me in high-risk investments."

'I'm still beautiful you know . . . you just have to read between the lines.'

'He has a doctorate in worrying.'

The Scream take its temperature

'Great fireworks! Reminds me of the coach after we lost the game!'

Massage Mushroom Cloud

"I'm ot saying you're fired Ed, but I'm also not saying where I hid your desk."

'Gail, my dear, please don't talk about sex - my God this is a restaurant!'

'The return of the Jehovah's Witnesses'

"Will you say the three magical words that always make me so happy?"