Anxiety Appreciator Gifts

The Scream take its temperature

'Global warming, international terrorism, melting polar ice caps, receding hairline... It's all very worrying.'

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"Pencil eraser."

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"Ever get the feeling you're being watched?"

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

"You dropped yer wallet."

Free-Floating Anxiety

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

"Hell: The Airport"

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

'I can remember when paranoia was unusual.'

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

"You call that worrying?"

Teenage Shakespeare

"So, Ms. Medusa. Let's talk about this fear of snakes you mentioned. Do you notice that it causes anxiety?"

'Today's unwilling nude model is Ralph.'

We bonded over a shared lack of assertiveness. Vive la diffidence!

"It's an adjustment being a handshake guy in a fist-bump company."

A cat and a dog are embarrassed to find themselves on an elevator together.

"Since no one showed up, I'll keep my remarks brief."

"My problem is I obsess over whether I worry enough."

Bashful Royal Guard

"And with that being said Polly became dinner." "Polly wanna cracker?" "Polly wanna piece of yo mama's sweet behind." "Oh boy..."

"I feel we're almost down to bedrock, Mr. Bonwell."

"Then there was the dream where I woke up in a pool of melted butter."

"My main worry is my anxiety."

Parental Anxiety

Recession the plus side: embarrassing 'water cooler moments' less frequent.

'Well, you're not a hypochondriac, you only THINK you're a hypochondriac!'

"A mouse! A mouse!"

"Did we turn off the stove?"

"I made a big mistake getting into ladies underwear..."