It Agony Appreciator Pillows

Desktop Print Hell: '...an eternity of different printers and no windows driver...'

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"Amazon's new A.I. just 'gets' me."

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

Final words on gravestones.

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

'Gasview Hotel' - 'Dinerview Gas' - 'Motelview Diner' - 'Hiwayview Suites'

"My kid could do that."

"Pencil eraser."

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

Low self esteem workshop - 'You missed it. It finished two hours ago, you useless pillock.'

Teenage Shakespeare

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

Hey, hey, hey! Inside screams!

'Hello Satchel's imaginary friend.'

"You know that tune you sang yesterday morning? It was stuck in my head the whole day long..."

Attack of the zombie snowman.

"Since no one showed up, I'll keep my remarks brief."

A cat and a dog are embarrassed to find themselves on an elevator together.

'-and she gets headaches every time the doorbell plays our tune.'

"I just love your use of lying"

'Global warming, international terrorism, melting polar ice caps, receding hairline... It's all very worrying.'

Recession the plus side: embarrassing 'water cooler moments' less frequent.

"Sorry, grandpa, but wiggling the antenna won't restore your cable and Internet."

"I'm telling you my computer is making an obscene gesture!"

The Scream take its temperature

"I don't know a damn thing about art, but my back hasn't felt this good in years."

You have to admit, For He's a Jolly Good Fellow is a defense that's pretty hard to deny.

'Rick, could you take a seat somewhere else, please? For me to be seen with you is damaging to business!'

"Oh, no - this introvert talked to me all night at a party, and I can't remember her name."

Al, why haven't you ever told me about the birds and the bees? Because I find ornithology and entomology even more embarrassing than sex.

"I'm not swimming upstream! There are bears there, but even worse, there's no Wi-Fi or phone signal."

Feeling guilty about breaking up with Susan after just two dates, Brad made things easier by wearing his Hideous Back Hair Toupee to the beach.'

It says he studied at the feet of the masters. Art Guide.