It Agony Appreciator Prints

Desktop Print Hell: '...an eternity of different printers and no windows driver...'

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

Final words on gravestones.

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

'Gasview Hotel' - 'Dinerview Gas' - 'Motelview Diner' - 'Hiwayview Suites'

"My kid could do that."

"Pencil eraser."

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

Low self esteem workshop - 'You missed it. It finished two hours ago, you useless pillock.'

'Hello Satchel's imaginary friend.'

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

Teenage Shakespeare

Attack of the zombie snowman.

"You know that tune you sang yesterday morning? It was stuck in my head the whole day long..."

A cat and a dog are embarrassed to find themselves on an elevator together.

"Since no one showed up, I'll keep my remarks brief."

'-and she gets headaches every time the doorbell plays our tune.'

Recession the plus side: embarrassing 'water cooler moments' less frequent.

'Global warming, international terrorism, melting polar ice caps, receding hairline... It's all very worrying.'

"I just love your use of lying"

The Scream take its temperature

"I'm telling you my computer is making an obscene gesture!"

"I don't know a damn thing about art, but my back hasn't felt this good in years."

"Sorry, grandpa, but wiggling the antenna won't restore your cable and Internet."

'Rick, could you take a seat somewhere else, please? For me to be seen with you is damaging to business!'

"Oh, no - this introvert talked to me all night at a party, and I can't remember her name."

"I'm not swimming upstream! There are bears there, but even worse, there's no Wi-Fi or phone signal."

"Frankly, he's a lousy sober."