Scream Appreciator Pillows

Hey, hey, hey! Inside screams!

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

Pharaoh Cocoon

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"I always try to give out at least one genuine compliment per day. I don't always succeed."

"Nice haircut."

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

Art Masters as Clowns pt. 2

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

A recent study found that scarecrows now actually attract birds. Experts blame it on millions of littering slobs.

'I'm taking vacation next week. And wouldn't you know it, the wife wants to go on a cruise.'

"Now, to continue our argument before we were interrupted..."

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

"Since I've gone over to roll-ups I find I can get by on just one cigarette a day!"

"Oh, Him? That's our IT guy."

"I got the promotion. Instead of Wednesdays, I'm now the one who gets blamed when things go wrong on Tuesdays."

Oscars 2024

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

'It's a soothing sounds machine. Spring Rain, Summer Breeze, and Fall School Bus.'

'I love what you've not done with the place.'

"Come on, Dillman, you'll never know if I'll say 'yes' or 'no' if you don't ask!"

'And when I snap my fingers you'll be happy with what I pay you.'

Zombie Fish

"Now that it's easier to get a gun than an abortion, I should buy an M16 and perform six very late-term abortions."

Policing the Police

Joe's Truckstop Diner: Eat In - Take Out - Poop somewhere else.

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

"It was the food critics who gave our soup the two 'reallys'."

"Most of the time, it's unclear what our company does exactly."

Teenage Shakespeare