Angelic Pun Enthusiast Gifts

'It's too LATE to show remorse!'

'T.M.I.F.'

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

"It's your final warning...Quit playing the 'Beverly Hillbillies' theme song"

I was starting a new chapter in my life and I tripped over a footnote.

No, that's "Virginia Wolf" with one "o."

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

"This is Heaven, you idiot. Everything's perfect. There is no suggestion box."

'I would have been here sooner, if not for a wonderful, caring, competent doctor.'

'Whoa Hold up, You need to get you hand stamped,'

'One nice thing about this, it has overcome my fear of height.'

Hell's Schlegel

"But you're paper trained and we don't have any newspapers or newspaper people."

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

'Don't sweat it - We grade on the curve.'

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

"God lives in the eternal present. The gift that keeps on giving."

'Please hold for an eternity...'

"The only problem with Heaven is there's nowhere to hang stuff."

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

Heavenly Take Out

Heaven Has VIP

"Uh-oh!"

Death of the pope.

"Look, I know you think you've got the stuff, but I'm telling you: walk God."

St Peter at gates of Heaven tells thuggish looking man: 'You're in the wrong place, alright. Let me guess: sat nav?'

"I couldn't take it with me, so I came back."

"Don't feed them! It makes them dependent."

"Man, what I wouldn't do for some Chinese take-out."

'Oh, sure-- we're immortal SO FAR.'

"Care to try the dip? It's posthummus."

"Oh, come on, you must want to be remembered for something!"

'When is break time around here?'