Angelic Pun Enthusiast Pillows

'It's too LATE to show remorse!'

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

"It's your final warning...Quit playing the 'Beverly Hillbillies' theme song"

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

"This is Heaven, you idiot. Everything's perfect. There is no suggestion box."

'I would have been here sooner, if not for a wonderful, caring, competent doctor.'

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

Hell's Schlegel

"But you're paper trained and we don't have any newspapers or newspaper people."

'One nice thing about this, it has overcome my fear of height.'

'Don't sweat it - We grade on the curve.'

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

'Please hold for an eternity...'

"The only problem with Heaven is there's nowhere to hang stuff."

Heaven Has VIP

"Uh-oh!"

"Don't feed them! It makes them dependent."

"Oh, come on, you must want to be remembered for something!"

"Look, I know you think you've got the stuff, but I'm telling you: walk God."

"Care to try the dip? It's posthummus."

St Peter at gates of Heaven tells thuggish looking man: 'You're in the wrong place, alright. Let me guess: sat nav?'

'Oh, sure-- we're immortal SO FAR.'

Death of the pope.

"I couldn't take it with me, so I came back."

'Recommended reading' selection of books e.g.'Team spirit, by Geoffrey Boycott'