Angelic Messengers Gifts

'He's bringing glad-to-be-gay tidings.'

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

"All we have left is standing room only."

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

"Leave it you guys! We have this EVERY-SINGLE-TIME we go anywhere!!"

"Not that it's any of your business, but no, I wasn't kicked out! We had creative differences, that's all!"

"Hear me, for the Lord has given me an exclusive."

'...George isn't in right now, but you can email him at...'

"Before we make contact with the departed, be aware that all communications will be recorded and maybe used for training purposes."

Saint Patrick sending snakes out of Ireland.

Heaven is unattended...leave your prayers at the sound of the tone.

"Well, to be honest, I try to avoid reunions - my first four husbands are here."

"Actually, it's pronounced 'An-hel'."

'In doggy heaven, everyone is allowed on the couch.'

"All of my manifestations are currently busy however your prayer is important to me so please..."

'Hey, come on -- You've got to believe in yourself!'

"He apologizes for not contacting us during the previous session. The wi-fi was off in the hereafter."

'Management says we've had it too good for too long. They're demanding concessions.'

'This is goodbye, Goopta -- I've decided to make a career move to the Scientologists.'

Spring Break!

'Say that again and you're a dead man!'

'You mean I have to MENTOR, too?'

"Oh them, They're contrarians."

You Are Entering God's Country. A Pearly-Gated Community.

"I have a great idea for you, but naturally you're nowhere near your writing desk."

"My post only got one like, but it is from God."

Well, here's your problem … you lost a wing nut.

"Don't you think we're taking the 'playing dead' thing a bit too far?!"

Never fails. Stay in all week, not one call. Step out for an hour to preach...

"Heaven is currently unattended, if you wish to leave your prayers at the sound of the tone...they will be answered."

"Miraculously my provider can handle the zillions who beseech me every second of the day."

'I was able to take it all with me due to great legal representation.'

'You don't have to worry about who to vote for this year, but I'm from Chicago.'