Angelic Accounts Warden Pillows

'Uh oh. Here comes the eternal revenue... I hope your taxes are in order.'

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

"Who says you can't take it with you? This one has a fireproof lining."

'I store all my data in the cloud.'

"Because of the economic situation they've relaxed the rules."

Damn defibrillators.

A faulty part from an independent supplier leads to the creation of a multibillion-dollar sports medicine profession.

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"Fifty is plenty.". . . "Hundred and fifty."

'It's true that the meek were intended to inherit the Earth, Mr. Osgood, but we have you classified as 'apathetic.''

Priest watering his wings.

'Just pretend they're not here. They're my transition team.'

"Better hurry it up on that 'Eve' project. Adam's been giving the eye to an orangutan."

Magazine Stand at the Pearly Gates

'They're the angel of social conscience funds and his evil twin, greedy devil.'

'Mr.Shumway here is our visiting ethicist.'

"It's very nice. I just think they could add a spa."

'You're six months late. I hope you brought a note from your doctor.'

"A couple of contact tracers are out here asking questions."

'Well of course I believed, but I never really thought it was true.'

Library In Heaven Stocks The Bible And Only The Bible

'I should have prefaced my advice with the statement that I'm not an expert on the market.'

"He's my best friend – 74, bald, looks like a fat Sid Caesar."

'Wait ... Nobody brought a ball? Now what are we going to do for all eternity?'

"Don't you hate that? Now I think of the perfect last words!"

Steve Spermatozoa, dead at 35 from terminal horniness.

'I realize that this may be carping, but I never did live long enough to enjoy my I.R.A. account.'

"I'm not a fallen angel, precisely, but I have had a few stumbles."

'See you in court.'

'On that Noah thing, just rinse and repeat as necessary.'