Angelic Accounts Warden Gifts

'Uh oh. Here comes the eternal revenue... I hope your taxes are in order.'

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

"Who says you can't take it with you? This one has a fireproof lining."

"Because of the economic situation they've relaxed the rules."

'I store all my data in the cloud.'

Damn defibrillators.

A faulty part from an independent supplier leads to the creation of a multibillion-dollar sports medicine profession.

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"Fifty is plenty.". . . "Hundred and fifty."

'It's true that the meek were intended to inherit the Earth, Mr. Osgood, but we have you classified as 'apathetic.''

Priest watering his wings.

Magazine Stand at the Pearly Gates

"Better hurry it up on that 'Eve' project. Adam's been giving the eye to an orangutan."

'Walter, I warned you about all that angel hair pasta and pie in the sky.'

'They're the angel of social conscience funds and his evil twin, greedy devil.'

'Mr.Shumway here is our visiting ethicist.'

'Just pretend they're not here. They're my transition team.'

"It's very nice. I just think they could add a spa."

'You're six months late. I hope you brought a note from your doctor.'

'I should have prefaced my advice with the statement that I'm not an expert on the market.'

"A couple of contact tracers are out here asking questions."

"Sin tax? I love it."

Library In Heaven Stocks The Bible And Only The Bible

'Well of course I believed, but I never really thought it was true.'

'Aren't you a little worried all that begatting will get out of hand?'

Steve Spermatozoa, dead at 35 from terminal horniness.

"He's my best friend – 74, bald, looks like a fat Sid Caesar."

'Wait ... Nobody brought a ball? Now what are we going to do for all eternity?'

"Don't you hate that? Now I think of the perfect last words!"

Heavenly politics. Campaigns here are different from those down on earth. Saint Peter has a complete file on everybody, so there's total transparency up here. Our debates are friendly and the ads are all positive. And here the incumbent in the highest office always runs unopposed. That's all true, but in one way the camaigns up here are just like the ones on earth. They go on for eternity.

'I realize that this may be carping, but I never did live long enough to enjoy my I.R.A. account.'

'See you in court.'

"I'm not a fallen angel, precisely, but I have had a few stumbles."