Angelic Cleaner Gifts

'The other reason your soul feels so clean is become someone put too much laundry detergent in the washing machine, again...'

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

Angel playing music

Damn defibrillators.

"The wings are addictive."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

Supply was out of harps.

Priest watering his wings.

"It's very nice. I just think they could add a spa."

Heaven is...

'Well of course I believed, but I never really thought it was true.'

"Sin tax? I love it."

"He's my best friend – 74, bald, looks like a fat Sid Caesar."

Social Networking in Heaven.

Heavenly politics. Campaigns here are different from those down on earth. Saint Peter has a complete file on everybody, so there's total transparency up here. Our debates are friendly and the ads are all positive. And here the incumbent in the highest office always runs unopposed. That's all true, but in one way the camaigns up here are just like the ones on earth. They go on for eternity.

'Uh oh. Here comes the eternal revenue... I hope your taxes are in order.'

'I realize that this may be carping, but I never did live long enough to enjoy my I.R.A. account.'

'It's hard to believe her biggest passion is for a cleaner environment.'

"Roof, please."

"I know it looks a little rough but we're having all the puffy stuff reupholstered this week."

"I'm not a fallen angel, precisely, but I have had a few stumbles."

The Bourne Eternity

Gardening Angel: MANNA.

'He donated his body to medical research...'

Ballet Maid

'I was doing a lot of good, but then the funding ran out.'

Angel investor.

"'Deviled eggs', Here? What ARE you, some kinda NUT?!"

'This is my Heaven and I'll wear what I want.'

"I prefer to keep my religious views to myself."

Whaddaya mean "oops"?

'My god! I never thought I'd be depressed here too!'