Angelic Stylist Gifts

'This is my Heaven and I'll wear what I want.'

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

Angel playing music

"The wings are addictive."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"I opted for the upgrades."

"This is Heaven, you idiot. Everything's perfect. There is no suggestion box."

Supply was out of harps.

Angels Playing Frisbee with a Halo.

'Whoa Hold up, You need to get you hand stamped,'

'Don't sweat it - We grade on the curve.'

Smashed harp...

'Let's see...yes, there is a wing upgrade for a soul patch.'

'Please hold for an eternity...'

"It's very nice. I just think they could add a spa."

"I can't hit a bad note to save my soul!"

Death of the pope.

'Well of course I believed, but I never really thought it was true.'

Marriage Heaven

'I see my wife made it in.'

'So, where's the mall?'

'I would have taken it with me but the Inland Revenue got it all before I left.'

Most folks just go with the white.

"No prizes for guessing who's been sucking up to the boss!"

Heavenly politics. Campaigns here are different from those down on earth. Saint Peter has a complete file on everybody, so there's total transparency up here. Our debates are friendly and the ads are all positive. And here the incumbent in the highest office always runs unopposed. That's all true, but in one way the camaigns up here are just like the ones on earth. They go on for eternity.

Celestial Music

'Actually we were hoping for someone on drums.'

"I know it looks a little rough but we're having all the puffy stuff reupholstered this week."

'Hot pink would have been more slimming.'

'See, Harry? I am holier than thou.'

Angel looking down to other angel: 'Oh, those poor meek guys - they inherited the Earth.'

'Most of us choose the wings. Fred picked the hat.'

'They were all out of wings.'

'I'm writing a sequel to my autobiography.'