Angelic Gatekeeper Pillows

'No way you're getting in here with THAT mustache!'

"All we have left is standing room only."

"I do tech support for the cloud."

"Did you notice how the cables never get tangled!"

Gates of heaven

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

'I store all my data in the cloud.'

To get past the gates of Heaven you have to now enter an internet style password

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

"I let go of all my earthly attachments, but there's one I can't seem to shake."

'I suppose technically you're right. But we still prefer not to think of it as a gated community.'

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'

Man at Heaven's gate with different college letter than St. Pete

'Let's see...yes, there is a wing upgrade for a soul patch.'

'Location, location, location.'

"Actually, I'm just the night manager here."

'I assume you have paper work to back up all these time travel business expenses.'

"Tell the Boss that we have a MAJOR computer glitch!"

"If only they knew we can still get texts up here."

"Go on in. You're the first onslaught."

'Damned tourists.'

I'd like to check my e-mail...

"Hold on—I forgot to stamp your hand."

'Uh oh. Here comes the eternal revenue... I hope your taxes are in order.'

'I have an exit strategy for getting the hell out of here.'

"I don't care if you are the invisible man, sir, I can't let you in if you're not wearing a tie!"

'I realize that this may be carping, but I never did live long enough to enjoy my I.R.A. account.'

BEWARE OF THE GOD.

"There's a man here who wants to add insult to injury."

'It's a cease and desist order. States that we can't keep anyone out. It's based on the ruling: The more the merrier.'

Gates of heaven with bouncers

"A lot of them I only pretend to watch over."

"It's a no-go area."