Angelic Gatekeeper Pillows

'No way you're getting in here with THAT mustache!'

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

"All we have left is standing room only."

"I do tech support for the cloud."

"Did you notice how the cables never get tangled!"

'I store all my data in the cloud.'

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

Gates of heaven

To get past the gates of Heaven you have to now enter an internet style password

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

"I let go of all my earthly attachments, but there's one I can't seem to shake."

'I suppose technically you're right. But we still prefer not to think of it as a gated community.'

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'

Man at Heaven's gate with different college letter than St. Pete

'Let's see...yes, there is a wing upgrade for a soul patch.'

'Location, location, location.'

"Tell the Boss that we have a MAJOR computer glitch!"

"Sin tax? I love it."

"If only they knew we can still get texts up here."

'I assume you have paper work to back up all these time travel business expenses.'

"Actually, I'm just the night manager here."

"Go on in. You're the first onslaught."

'Damned tourists.'

I'd like to check my e-mail...

'I have an exit strategy for getting the hell out of here.'

'Uh oh. Here comes the eternal revenue... I hope your taxes are in order.'

"I don't care if you are the invisible man, sir, I can't let you in if you're not wearing a tie!"

"Hold on—I forgot to stamp your hand."

'I realize that this may be carping, but I never did live long enough to enjoy my I.R.A. account.'

BEWARE OF THE GOD.

'You're not dead! Get back down there and keep living until we tell you it's time to come up here!'

'It's a cease and desist order. States that we can't keep anyone out. It's based on the ruling: The more the merrier.'

"There's a man here who wants to add insult to injury."

"A lot of them I only pretend to watch over."

Gates of heaven with bouncers