Ancient Script Enthusiast Gifts

"Father, try writing on this papyrus. What you're doing is so ancient school."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

Man embarrassed by a schoolboy's superior knowledge of Greek

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

Hollywood producer.

Hollywood producer.

"Is it (eye symbol) before (water symbol) or (water symbol) before (eye symbol)?"

"Great money scenes!"

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

IMHOtep

'Yes, the colours are wonderful. But he only does five pages per month, and he doesn't support PostScript.'

Welcome to ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? Theatre

"He's left a suicide screenplay."

'It appears to be a kosher for Passover recipe.'

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

'A series based on made-up stories with actors following scripts? Preposterous.'

"I can never remember, does 'barge' have one snake-head jackal, or two?"

"And here - take this Vin Diesel monologue with you!"

Academic Boogie Down - 'Once you've taught Sanskrit, there is no going back to Caligula.'

"I’ve gotta tell you, there’s a lot of demand for a sequel."

Scrip Doctor

"Just got the script from the focus group. Fabulous!"

"He never lets you forget that he had a cameo in the Old Testament."

"Sure, it's a little formulaic but I love it!"

Subtitles for the Stupid

Great script, great cinematography, great everything. But the whole 3D thing is lost on me.

Write a Screenplay

'I'm writing a screenplay that every studio in Hollywood will want to produce. It's about an honest, hard-working, moral CEO.'

Grim Reaper enters classroom where he teaches dead languages.