Analogue Art Lover Gifts

Still life (waiting for the internet of things)

I.T. Fear

"Midtown Vinyl. Vintage albums + EPs. Midtown Ink. Vintage books + newspapers."

"Nice design but you haven't quite mastered the technology!"

"We were looking for a non-hackable, energy efficient data center. Thanks for the file cabinet."

"Yes, we still love print, don't we?"

'He's not a 'bad' phone. He's just not a 'smart' phone.'

'If you don't want to go digital, fine, but if you're going to store film in our cooler you have to save room some soda and beer."

'Stupido Digitale! Chucka me a sloppy brush, there's a gooda chap.'

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

"The best thing is he works without WiFi or a data plan."

'That's funny - the computer said we had mail..'

Art Theft

"Dear diary, I'm leaving you for a Twitter account—it's not you, it's technology..."

'Jeez, grandmom, here's your problem...you connect to WiFi, not HiFi!'

'But Miss, I've only just got the hang of 'the little hand' and 'the big hand'...'

Ernie's Music. Ernie, you're opening a music store? Yep, I'm going to serve a niche market. I won't be selling CD's or any other digital music. I also won't be selling the old cassette or eight-track tapes. I'm only selling records. I'm catering to audiophiles who appreciate the unique sound quality they deliver. That's great! Are you going to adverties? Yeah, my tagline is "All sales vinyl"

'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'

Woman putting correction fluid on a computer screen

VINYL HISS

Although I loathe you with a passion, I've decided to put you in my will. I'm rich! On one condition. Name it. Your inheritance cannot be spent on anything that blinks, beeps, buzzes, charges, flashes … boots up, plugs in, takes batteries … Whoa, hold up … emails, downloads, texts, web-surfs, or in any way prevents you from getting out in the world and interacting in person with other human beings. It can't be spent on any of that nonsense … but … Yes? … But it does have to be walked twice a day

'It was great! I learned how to use dial phones, drive a standard transmission and cook without a microwave...'

"In case of emergency, do you know how to work a pencil?"

Sundial Watch

You'll see, Chet; sales will pick up as soon as this whole Internet fad blows over.'

'I have no idea what makes that guy tick.'

"Don't think of them as training wheels. Just think of it as me putting your bike on safe mode."

"I prefer the texture of printed books."

"The fact that you're writing your presentation in giant letters makes me think you still haven't figured out how to use a PowerPoint presentation."

Van Gogh on Instagram.

Caveman Painting An Anachronistic Piece In The Style Of Warhol

Lord Kitchener

Cassette Deck

'...No, I'm not computer literate. I write letters with a pen occasionally writing them with a thing called a typewriter!'

'You put a round thing on a spinning plate with a needle and then you play with buttons and knobs...only old people know how to do it.'