American Football Dreamer Gifts

'Your grandfather is a cautionary tale, son. He quit school early and pinned all his hopes on an NFL career. But in the end, he was never used in a single game.'

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

Football Fans

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

'OK, everybody, calm down,,,'

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

"I'm less a role model than a cautionary tale."

Castro's successful invasion of miami beach.

Midnight Basketball

"Football is too dangerous, Junior. Why not follow my footsteps in a safe sport - chasing investment yield?"

'He followed me home, Mom. Can I sign him to a five-year, $80-million contract?..'

Baseball Dreams

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

Punishment for the kicker.

"I'm running away to join the W.N.B.A."

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

'He's got a good attitude, and he's tall. But he's got to get into the weight room.'

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

"Behind the back, between the legs, around my disappointed parents, nothing but net."

"Progress is coming right along!"

It's true. Some days I feel like creating a miracle, and some days I just feel like helping a dude catch a touchdown pass.

Not The Real Me

'He's soccer mad! Ever since he did his first sums he's wanted to be a players' agent.'

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up...Can I have your autograph please?'

You guys aren't living up to your preseason hype!

Just as he was about to be annihilated, Dirk makes an amazing discovery,

"You want England to win what!? Put me back in the lamp!"

'Yes! How does if feel to be giving birth to a future kicker in professional football?'

Footballer Dreaming of the Football as Sack of Money

Penalty

'Roger has his heart set on Texas, for the chili cook-off season!'

Athletic Darwinism.

'Boy, I love pretending to be Jens Lehmann...Now I can go home to watch football on TV!'