Amateur Sports Gifts

'You've never played golf before, have you?'

'Our village cricket club' - Young spinner cleverly positions the field to take a wicket.

Ice skating demonstration

...You should have turned left in corner four.

"Puff! Pant! They don't have to do this in the Premier League!"

"I AM at my usual position."

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

"Darling, I never realised how talented you weren't!"

"If there is no more American Idol what am I going to do to become famous?"

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

'Sorry'

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"You're way too strong Dad: You've overshot the green by about two hundred metres..."

Young lady telling a young man he is not singing low enough.

There's a toxic cloud moving in our direction! Hurry! Teddy's home from sports camp. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Statue fishing.

'First time spear fishing, Son?'

"A little high and inside."

'Play your best. There's going to be a scout for the ten year olds in the stands!'

"He sings for charity. He has to. Nobody offers to pay him."

Tug the Toggle

"That' was great - let's run though that again."

What football coaches and players can learn from a loss

"Dad! I didn't know you were a boxer!"

Boy with stick and string, Man with really expensive equipment

You're not supposed to lob the rock!

Fans Desperately Try To Catch A Baseball

'Stop it! Stop it, you two! If you keep fighting about it, then neither one of you will get to be 'coach's bench buddy'...'

'Soccer Mom's Diner.'

'They play five innings or until six parents fall asleep, whichever comes first.'

"You sure you've done this before."