Amateur Performances Gifts

"If there is no more American Idol what am I going to do to become famous?"

Randall couldn't wait to see what else the 'Magic Trash Can' could make disappear.

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

"Darling, I never realised how talented you weren't!"

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

'You've never played golf before, have you?'

"Still life with fruit and terribly drawn fish"

"Ahhh! Ha-ha! Exactly what I said when I was pulled over. Dipstick!"

Ham-Dram

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

Young lady telling a young man he is not singing low enough.

"Well they are fake ducks, Honey, but not quite decoyish enough."

"Repeat after me... We are vegan... We are vegan..."

Canoeing Incorrectly

'Our village cricket club' - Young spinner cleverly positions the field to take a wicket.

'People say I don't listen to other's opinions. That's not true, is it Binky?'

The Amateurs.

'You can't come in to play unless you wear cushions on your feet - My Dad's got a headache!'

'Seriously, your ululation is good enough for American Idol.'

"It might be a better trick if you didn't use see-through glass"

"He sings for charity. He has to. Nobody offers to pay him."

"Maybe you just can't tell a joke."

"A little high and inside."

'He always takes Charades very seriously.'

"That' was great - let's run though that again."

Spring Cleaning

"Good morning, world!"