Amateur Sports Lover Gifts

Grassroots football

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

Football Chameleon

If nobody had invented graphics

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"I AM at my usual position."

Mixed Doubles.

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

Monica Seles

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Ratminton

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

A married couple share the same pole vault.

A day at the transgenic races

"How should we divide the teams?"

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

Saving a Heart

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

Raheem Sterling