Amateur Carpenters Gifts

"Jeffrey makes all our furniture himself."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

Painting by the numbers for adults

Kid with messed up project in Wood Shop, titled: 'Wouldn't Shop'

"First cook the cake, then apply icing sugar and candles..."

Too much cilantro

Li'l Bill meets destiny.

'Now what?'

'Why do I need to clean the fish? -- Didn't you just take them out of the WATER?'

"Your meal sounded nice."

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

"One more rinse and the inside of your car will be clean too, Dad."

'Handyman's Special'

'Enjoy your meal - but be warned we have a very bad tempered chef.'

When Tia Carmen says... "A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner" it means "I can fix it with a hammer."

'Put your tools away. We can't afford to pay any more tradesmen to fix another of your botched DIY projects.'

Cat Cooking Bird.

"It all starts with them having you fetch their slippers."

'You want to see a list of ingredients? -- Are you trying to make trouble?'

'The recipe said to simmer uncovered!'

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

'If you don't stop biting your nails, you're going to ruin your teeth.'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

Thor's Other Tools

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

'The casserole didn't make it.'

Bathroom flooding (man holding tap).

"What makes you think I doubt your abilities?"

"Honey, I’ll take over. The stir-fry has suffered long enough."

'I thought too many cooks spoiled the broth.'

Super glue . . .

'Just measuring you for the breakfast nook.'

"... 'Do it yourself enthusiast'?... No, George is more of a, 'cock it up yourself enthusiast'!"

"And when I get to this fancy French restaurant, will they be glad to see me?"

He spends all weekend under the stupid thing, but I don't think he's really fixing anything.