Amateur Carpenter Gifts

"Darling! - did you know your books are crooked...?"

'Just how much time do you intend spending in this new tool shed of yours?'

Kid with messed up project in Wood Shop, titled: 'Wouldn't Shop'

Kit-set shelving. Third attempt.

"... 'Do it yourself enthusiast'?... No, George is more of a, 'cock it up yourself enthusiast'!"

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

Painting by the numbers for adults

"First cook the cake, then apply icing sugar and candles..."

Too much cilantro

Li'l Bill meets destiny.

'Now what?'

'Why do I need to clean the fish? -- Didn't you just take them out of the WATER?'

"One more rinse and the inside of your car will be clean too, Dad."

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

"Your meal sounded nice."

When Tia Carmen says... "A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner" it means "I can fix it with a hammer."

'Enjoy your meal - but be warned we have a very bad tempered chef.'

'Put your tools away. We can't afford to pay any more tradesmen to fix another of your botched DIY projects.'

'Handyman's Special'

Cat Cooking Bird.

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'You want to see a list of ingredients? -- Are you trying to make trouble?'

"It all starts with them having you fetch their slippers."

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

'The recipe said to simmer uncovered!'

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

'If you don't stop biting your nails, you're going to ruin your teeth.'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

Thor's Other Tools

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

Bathroom flooding (man holding tap).

'The casserole didn't make it.'

Super glue . . .

"Honey, I’ll take over. The stir-fry has suffered long enough."

"What makes you think I doubt your abilities?"