Alternative Proteins Gifts

'Never mind insecticides - now they think of us as protein.'

Vegetarian Birds

Queen of Quinoa

Jeff Tweedy caricature.

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"You'll find that as a restaurateur I've worked hard to showcase the finest in organic and free range ingredients that have been harvested and prepared in authentic and traditional ways."

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

'I'd like something with a high amount of vegetable protein, a bit of glucose or dextroe for energy, and some fiber.' 'One peanut butter and jelly on toast.'

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"But Herman, we can't just throw in the towel like that."

'Vegetable proteins sure have caught on. I have to go over to Canyon Gulch and round up a herd of soybeans.'

"I'm thinking of switching to an all vegan diet...based on carrots...mainly carrots..."

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

Sick Of A Low-Carb Diet

'That IS the chef's surprise, sir -- the pork chops are really tofu.'

"What've you got that's good for vegans?"

"Were you genuinely interested in where I get my protein, or was it the introductory question to a long and pointless attack on my personal dietary choices?"

Go Veggie...

'Stinkin low carb housing.'

"I'm looling for ground beef that's organic, non-GMO, and doesn't contain meat."

"My veganism begins and ends with eating insects."

"No fog lips, rat guts or bat teeth? I hate going vegan!"

The Atkins Diet.

I'm sick and tired of this low carb diet.

Dr Atkins on a date: 'Why does he keep looking at me like I'm a piece of meat?'

"Where hard boiled eggs end up."

"As vegan zombies, are we allowed to eat brains?"

"Everyone, stop looking delicious. The vegans are back and that tofurkey jerky won't keep them back much longer."

For once, I'd like to order a non-soy-based tofu substitute. No more health food. I have Tofurkey.

'Uh-oh, Ben's 'wired' again, I better cut down on his high protein dog food.'

"Ey up, guys! Here comes the slaughter mower - everyone Duck!"

'It's a new, high-protein substitute for soybean paste. It's made of steak.'

"They call me wicked but knights are my only source of protein."

Less curds, more whey. Middle-aged Miss Muffet.

'I don't care if it IS Tofurkey...I am not eating that!'