Alternative Living Aficionados Gifts

"Don’t think of it as a retirement community, think of it as a cave."

I guess she had other plans for you.

Punk Reindeer

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

REPENT! Get back to nature

"Wait a minute, is that toad I taste? I told you I've gone vegan, Cynthia!"

'I wouldn't bother. They're probably gluten-free vegetarians.'

"I'm not a total vegetarian, sometimes I like a bit of buffalo."

"You should consider buying."

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"Oh, it's always something now he wants to become a vegetarian."

'I've been keeping my thermostat down to 14'

'After we had him declawed he started taking on a tougher persona to compensate.'

"Living underground is not what it used to be."

'We've been tailgating so long, I think we might be homeless.'

Argument between Disposable or Washable Nappies

'Naw, man! I ain't never worked in no animal hospital...'

Marilyn Manson Fan.

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

'It's going to be harder to get back than you think. We're now part of a subculture of a counter culture.'

"Your father and I were hoping for something a little less artisanal."

"I was in corporate sales for years but then I realized, I'm a gatherer not a hunter."

Crusty Bread

'Jenkins, when was the last time you cleaned out the barn?'

"My new boyfriend is free range!"

"That's Fred. He was raised by bats..."

Bob hated using the elevator as much as it hated being used.

'What are they, men or women? I don't know, they're not wearing clothes.'

'According to this, my coffin should be facing the south side of the crypt.'

Family living in an allevator

'And this is our open-to-anything-plan office.'

'So one day I said to myself, 'What am I doing living in this run down house when I could be living on my boat?'

"Ey up, guys! Here comes the slaughter mower - everyone Duck!"

Birthday Suit Alterations

Real estate: 'Sure, it's a long commute, but the price is right!'