Alpha Male Appreciator T-Shirts

"Young Montague's full of himself."

You got that beer that the monks make, didn't you?

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

Surreal ale

"It's from the local micro brewery..."

"Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool?"

'Let me guess - you lost a fight against a young challenger who has now replaced you as the company's alpha male!'

"Come on, we all know you're the new Alpha Male: No need to rub it in by wearing a badge..."

Macho man body building club.

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

Human males marking territory.

'Increase your beer volume sales by filling the glasses up.'

"Many of you were confused about the 'Randy's how to be an alpha' lesson from yesterday: 'live like you've got nothing left to lose'."

And make sure my daughter is back by 10pm: You really don't want to see me angry!

"I hate shaking hands with him, he always squeezes as hard as he can!"

1st. 2nd. Nice Guy.

'I suggest you move onto halves...'

'I always keep him on a leash when I take him for a walk...'

"I'd like to help him, but honestly I have no idea who the good boy is."

"Yeah, I'll say that's a good head, now is there any chance you can put ome beer under it?"

'Watch your step. I happen to know you're an alpha male.'

'I'm worried Tom has a drinking problem.'

"To be an alpha male, little buddy, you've got to live like you've got nothing left to lose."

"Alpha Male."

"If this beer had a head it would hang it in shame."

"That's right - I'm talking to you."

Born leader

'I have to tell you,Tristan- I'm beginning to feel used....'

Today's alpha-lesson is called "Always Jujutsu the Suspense." If someone says "I've got a great idea" and then pauses to create suspense, that's a power-move. They want you to beg them to continue. The alpha counter-move in this case is simple. Use the suspense-monger's suspense against them: say absolutely nothing.* *This move should never ever be applied in the boudoir.

Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool? That's one of those things you always see an alpha male do: Stand around a pool hall polishing his stick and racking up the balls … sizing up his shot, like he's secretly a geometric wizard who's about to make the whole world line up the way he wants it to with just one whack. Or maybe I should take up darts, where I myself become an extension of the missile I'm launching. Any sport in the bar family works.

"Underneath this placid Brooks Brother facade, I'm up to my neck in some excellent biker tattoos."

"He was the lifeguard at the gene pool."

"Why don't we call it a draw?"

"I'm not sure grieving openly is very many. I sure wouldn't want any of the guys in my crocheting group seeing me do it."

"I don't care if you're an alpha male now! I'm still your mother and you'll do as you're told! Got it?!"