Alpha Male Dynamics Observer T-Shirts

"Why don't we call it a draw?"

"Welcome aboard. We will endeavor to treat you with dignity and respect. Now get you and your stupid face out of my office."

Gym. It doesn't help when you call the ab workout a "journey to the center of the girth."

"Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool?"

"Young Montague's full of himself."

"Come on, we all know you're the new Alpha Male: No need to rub it in by wearing a badge..."

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

Women's Idea of Sharing/Men's Idea of Sharing.

Human males marking territory.

Stable boys and Scottsman

And make sure my daughter is back by 10pm: You really don't want to see me angry!

"Many of you were confused about the 'Randy's how to be an alpha' lesson from yesterday: 'live like you've got nothing left to lose'."

"I hate shaking hands with him, he always squeezes as hard as he can!"

"Freud said love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness, but human mess is equally true."

"Excuse me, aren't you a cat?"

Servant talking to her old master about her new position

You're right. It's not fear I smell but angst with a hint of regret.

'I always keep him on a leash when I take him for a walk...'

'I have a feeling, gentlemen, that you don't take having a female boss that seriously.'

'Watch your step. I happen to know you're an alpha male.'

Servant girl turning down a job because the family are not genteel enough

'I got in touch with my feminine side and totally grossed it out.'

"To be an alpha male, little buddy, you've got to live like you've got nothing left to lose."

'Can you sue someone for being a girl?'

"Alpha Male."

"Hop it! We don't serve your type!"

Today's alpha-lesson is called "Always Jujutsu the Suspense." If someone says "I've got a great idea" and then pauses to create suspense, that's a power-move. They want you to beg them to continue. The alpha counter-move in this case is simple. Use the suspense-monger's suspense against them: say absolutely nothing.* *This move should never ever be applied in the boudoir.

"He was the lifeguard at the gene pool."

People relaxing in heaven, women nattering, men discussing

I only know the meaning of life -- Old Goopta over there knows what women want.

"It took years of practice, but I can now maintain a credible caring expression while dealing with excruciating boredom. So what were you saying about your mother?"

Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool? That's one of those things you always see an alpha male do: Stand around a pool hall polishing his stick and racking up the balls … sizing up his shot, like he's secretly a geometric wizard who's about to make the whole world line up the way he wants it to with just one whack. Or maybe I should take up darts, where I myself become an extension of the missile I'm launching. Any sport in the bar family works.

Armstrong fired me. I kind of wish I knew why. Who cares why? A real alpha doesn't let himself get fired, little buddy. What you should've done was fire your boss before he had a chance to fire you. That way, thoughts of everything he'd lose would flood his brain and there's a 48.7% chance he'd actually beg you to stay. Isn't that the same number from your book "From Dump-ee to Beg-ee"? Work, romance ... it doesn't matter. All the relationships are the same.

Well, I told you she fancied me!

"I'm not sure grieving openly is very many. I sure wouldn't want any of the guys in my crocheting group seeing me do it."