Alma Mater Enthusiast Gifts

Brown - But My First Choice Was Yale.

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Welcome to the Team

Scarcity

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"Yes, Jane Lyons, sitting next to Katy Jones, class of 2018, it is important for a writer to know her audience."

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

A Preschool of Fish

'Yes, grammar rules do evolve over time, but making up your own to 'stay ahead of the curve' won't work in this English class!'

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

Kindergarten. Today; Simon Says. I don't know who this "Simon Says" is, but he could make a killing in product endorsements!

"You said mindfulness could help us do well on the test, so I filled it up with as much as I could last night."

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

'At first it's just kindergarten, but then mission creep takes over and you're in college.'

"Fifty years in academia, studying, researching, writing and teaching. And what do they call me? ‘The Human AI’."

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

'Life isn't fair and neither is Miss Brown!'

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

Abacus.

Max Weber

End of Affirmative Action

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

'Success in business door' - keep your finger on the button doorbell.

"Nice to have you all back at school, tap-tap, there are lessons to learn."

Donald Glover

The History Teacher

Ethics ethics.

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

History. The worst past is my dad says they're still making history!

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'