Alien Theorists Gifts

"Take us to your most influential power couple."

"Something very big buried a lot of bones here."

"You left this on our ship."

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

Elevator Music

"I've been genetically modified!"

'Take me to your computer.'

Pentagon Science Contest: '...It's a contest by the pentagon. They're gonna pay out half a million bucks to someone who comes up with the best idea on how people could travel to another solar system.'

'Why do they call these conventions when everyone here is so unconventional?'

'Take me to your auto body shop.'

"Do you think it's a form of greeting?"

UFO and snowman

Dustbin monster.

'Sorry, I'm a stranger here myself.'

'...it's some distance away - but there are lots of 'em and they're edible.'

"Shoulda brought the weed."

'If this drilling goes on they are going to find my stash of Martian Dollars I buried as a hedge against inflation.'

"So basically you're telling us that you make the youngest of your species sit in a room for twelves years and that is an education. . . you're kidding, right?"

'Remember when the authorities were notified when we were spotted? Now nobody cares. They think we're drones.'

Crop Circle: Meet the Author

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

Robot Attack in Bath

We've been coming here for decades, but I still don't understand their idea that the richest person is the one with the most money.

'...and then these two-eyed creatures took me from my spaceship to a four-wheeled vehicle. Nobody believes me. But you do, don't you doc?'

"How's it going with the human cloning?"

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

Any news on that star that might have a Dyson sphere around it? Nothing new. I mean, they discovered the star's probably been dimming ever since 1890, which could lend credence to the notion an alien race has been building a Dyson sphere. By they discovered that a few months ago. There's been nothing since then, so ... whatever. Must be nothing there. They should do a study to see how long it takes your attention span to dim. What? Why? What're we talking about?

'Your resume certainly includes a lot of UFO abductions....'

"They discovered an Earthlike planet, and it's close." "Earthlike?" "Does it have oceans and beaches and sensual ladies who like to gaze at sunsets?" "It may have liquid water. And it's orbiting a red dwarf, so it'll always look like sunset." "But is there anyone there to whisper sweet nothings to?" "I know a guy at NASA. If they send a probe, maybe he could add your dating profile."

Another archaeological site where some believe ancients had help from aliens.

"I'm sorry. How did I know what he would do to your cat if I let him play with it?"

'Of course we're not going to experiment on you. We needed another hand for our bridge game.'

'It's THEM.'

"Y'all look like dog people to me."

'Graze in perfect circles. It drives people crazy.'