Airport Security Experience Gifts

"I hope there's something illegal in that luggage. Last time you made me open one just because they had a box of dog biscuits."

Airlines

UK border controls relaxed.

Airport Security.

'Where was the TSA?'

Attack of the Underwear Bomber

A Little Extra

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

I travelled to get away from it all. All I got away from was my luggage.

Airport Security. Just pass the wand over them, Ernie. Keep your "abracadabras" to yourself.

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

A tourist struggling with loads of luggage

Airport Security. Remove Shoes. What do they call the guy in charge of all this airport security? "The TSAR"!

"How's my tripping you up?"

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

"I need a vacation. Everything is starting to smell like a bomb to me."

The International Airline Basketball Tournament

"Sure, pat down strangers all day, but I ask for one little hug..."

"It's marzipan pigs."

"Did you pack your own bags?"

'Yep, another set of incisors that are too sharp for security regulations. You'll need to wear a muzzle during the flight, ma'am.'

Pirates on holiday.

Flights suspended snowstorm

'You have the right to refuse the body scanner, but then I'll have to pat you down.'

'I'm sorry sir, but that slide rule exceeds the allowable length for a sharp object, unless, of course, you can manage to fold it.'

'You're right, good joke, bad timing...'

'Hey Dave, check out the kinky underwear this chick is taking on her trip!'

'Welcome to America'

Airport traffic

"3 ounce liquids! Get your 3 ounce liquids here! Approved and ready for screening! 3 ounce liquids!"

'Due to budget cuts, all agents will now be equipped with x-ray glasses.'

"Yeah, but it doesn't smell like a bomb!"

'Could you take a quick look and see if I lost a filling on the upper left row of teeth?'