Airport Security Experience Pillows

"I hope there's something illegal in that luggage. Last time you made me open one just because they had a box of dog biscuits."

Airlines

UK border controls relaxed.

'Where was the TSA?'

Airport Security.

I travelled to get away from it all. All I got away from was my luggage.

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

A tourist struggling with loads of luggage

"How's my tripping you up?"

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"Sure, pat down strangers all day, but I ask for one little hug..."

"Did you pack your own bags?"

"It's marzipan pigs."

The International Airline Basketball Tournament

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

"I need a vacation. Everything is starting to smell like a bomb to me."

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

Pirates on holiday.

Flights suspended snowstorm

'I'm sorry sir, but that slide rule exceeds the allowable length for a sharp object, unless, of course, you can manage to fold it.'

'You have the right to refuse the body scanner, but then I'll have to pat you down.'

Airport traffic

'You're right, good joke, bad timing...'

"3 ounce liquids! Get your 3 ounce liquids here! Approved and ready for screening! 3 ounce liquids!"

'Welcome to America'

'Due to budget cuts, all agents will now be equipped with x-ray glasses.'

"Yeah, but it doesn't smell like a bomb!"

'Could you take a quick look and see if I lost a filling on the upper left row of teeth?'

"You can pack this back up now."