Airport Security Enthusiast Pillows

'Is this a bomb in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?'

'I'm not flying anywhere... I'm just here for the pat down search.'

'Watch this. Before he joined the TSA he was a proctologist turned lawyer...'

UK border controls relaxed.

Airport Security.

'Where was the TSA?'

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

A Little Extra

Airport Security. Just pass the wand over them, Ernie. Keep your "abracadabras" to yourself.

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

CCTV in church.

Airport

Who are the most important people at the World Cup?

The Ayatollah Bomb?

Biro Security

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

"It's marzipan pigs."

The ultimate Secret Service demotion. We're sending you to guard Mount Rushmore.

'Principal McWit, a student without an appointment is here and says he's holding your computer access codes for ransom.'

'He's Barack Obama? I thought you said 'he brought a bomb on!''

Gates A-C: Johnson, Davis, Potts, surprise me!

"I need a vacation. Everything is starting to smell like a bomb to me."

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

"Sure, pat down strangers all day, but I ask for one little hug..."

The International Airline Basketball Tournament

The prime minister: the current threat to national security...

'Someone is reading our emails. I'm afraid this means we're going to have to talk to each other.'

'Don't worry -- the security camera is for your own protection.'