Airport Security Enthusiast Pillows

'Is this a bomb in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?'

'I'm not flying anywhere... I'm just here for the pat down search.'

'Watch this. Before he joined the TSA he was a proctologist turned lawyer...'

UK border controls relaxed.

'Where was the TSA?'

Airport Security.

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

CCTV in church.

Airport

The Ayatollah Bomb?

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

'Don't worry -- the security camera is for your own protection.'

"I need a vacation. Everything is starting to smell like a bomb to me."

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

The International Airline Basketball Tournament

"Sure, pat down strangers all day, but I ask for one little hug..."

"It's marzipan pigs."

"Let the epicurean feast commence."

The prime minister: the current threat to national security...

"Can I interest you in our frequent flyer scheme?"

Gates A-C: Johnson, Davis, Potts, surprise me!

'Someone is reading our emails. I'm afraid this means we're going to have to talk to each other.'

'Principal McWit, a student without an appointment is here and says he's holding your computer access codes for ransom.'

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

'They take patient privacy so seriously around here they encrypt your name!'