Airport Security Aficionado Pillows

No Fly/No Gun

'What zip code are we in now?'

UK border controls relaxed.

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

'Where was the TSA?'

"Early model of baggage claim"

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

Limerick Airport

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

Airport

CCTV in church.

Who are the most important people at the World Cup?

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

Airport Security. Remove Shoes. What do they call the guy in charge of all this airport security? "The TSAR"!

Biro Security

Man with backpack discharged on luggage pick up.

"The security scanner said I have exquisite feet."

The Ayatollah Bomb?

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

Gates A-C: Johnson, Davis, Potts, surprise me!

Fish Boarding

'Someone is reading our emails. I'm afraid this means we're going to have to talk to each other.'

The prime minister: the current threat to national security...

Tui River Cruise

"Fight or flight?"

'He's Barack Obama? I thought you said 'he brought a bomb on!''

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'