Airport Security Aficionado Gifts

'What zip code are we in now?'

UK border controls relaxed.

'Where was the TSA?'

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

"Early model of baggage claim"

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

Limerick Airport

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

CCTV in church.

Airport

The Ayatollah Bomb?

"The security scanner said I have exquisite feet."

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

Man with backpack discharged on luggage pick up.

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"

'Someone is reading our emails. I'm afraid this means we're going to have to talk to each other.'

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

'Principal McWit, a student without an appointment is here and says he's holding your computer access codes for ransom.'

Tui River Cruise

The prime minister: the current threat to national security...

Gates A-C: Johnson, Davis, Potts, surprise me!

"You are going home to Quarantine? What a lovely name for a daughter!"