Airport Security Training Pillows

'This will hurt you more than it will hurt me.'

UK border controls relaxed.

'The fun begins when we go through airport security.'

'Where was the TSA?'

Airport Security.

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"Sure, pat down strangers all day, but I ask for one little hug..."

"It's marzipan pigs."

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

The International Airline Basketball Tournament

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

"I need a vacation. Everything is starting to smell like a bomb to me."

'Welcome to America'

'I'm sorry sir, but that slide rule exceeds the allowable length for a sharp object, unless, of course, you can manage to fold it.'

Airport traffic

"3 ounce liquids! Get your 3 ounce liquids here! Approved and ready for screening! 3 ounce liquids!"

'Due to budget cuts, all agents will now be equipped with x-ray glasses.'

'You're right, good joke, bad timing...'

"Yeah, but it doesn't smell like a bomb!"

"You can pack this back up now."

'Could you take a quick look and see if I lost a filling on the upper left row of teeth?'

Stun-gun target practice.

"I guess he IS telling the truth.... Well, Merry Christmas, Santa! Have a good flight."

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

'There is a $15 baggage fee... a $15 airport improvement fee... a $15 full body scan fee... a $15 pat-down fee...'

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'