Security Training Pillows

Stun-gun target practice.

The Anti-Agent

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Brian was very proud of his dog.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Overjumpers

UK border controls relaxed.

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'Not that sort of body building program!'

High security Santa's grotto

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'Fetching is a good thing...but there can be TOO MUCH of a good thing.'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

Man practising karate is tempted by a glass of beer.

"Empty again? What's going on around here anyway?"

Dog tricks. 'He's doing it right now. Dudley dreams in Technocolor!'

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"He's a guard dog."

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"Shake! Good Dog."

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"Look. They say sit, you sit. They say roll over, you roll over. Where's the prob?"

Obedience School/Disobedience School.

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"I see you've security marked your property."