Airport Security Training Gifts

'Yep, another set of incisors that are too sharp for security regulations. You'll need to wear a muzzle during the flight, ma'am.'

'This will hurt you more than it will hurt me.'

UK border controls relaxed.

'The fun begins when we go through airport security.'

Airport Security.

'Where was the TSA?'

Attack of the Underwear Bomber

A Little Extra

Airport Security. Just pass the wand over them, Ernie. Keep your "abracadabras" to yourself.

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

Airport Security. Remove Shoes. What do they call the guy in charge of all this airport security? "The TSAR"!

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"They said whatever you left in Las Vegas, stays in Las Vegas."

"It's marzipan pigs."

"Sure, pat down strangers all day, but I ask for one little hug..."

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

The International Airline Basketball Tournament

"I need a vacation. Everything is starting to smell like a bomb to me."

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

'Due to budget cuts, all agents will now be equipped with x-ray glasses.'

"3 ounce liquids! Get your 3 ounce liquids here! Approved and ready for screening! 3 ounce liquids!"

'Welcome to America'

'I'm sorry sir, but that slide rule exceeds the allowable length for a sharp object, unless, of course, you can manage to fold it.'

Airport traffic

'You're right, good joke, bad timing...'

'Hey Dave, check out the kinky underwear this chick is taking on her trip!'

"Yeah, but it doesn't smell like a bomb!"

"You can pack this back up now."

'Could you take a quick look and see if I lost a filling on the upper left row of teeth?'

Stun-gun target practice.

"And did you pack this bag yourself, sir?"

"Just barking will do."

'There is a $15 baggage fee... a $15 airport improvement fee... a $15 full body scan fee... a $15 pat-down fee...'

"I guess he IS telling the truth.... Well, Merry Christmas, Santa! Have a good flight."