Airline Passenger Gifts

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'Do you have any specific regulations concerning travelling with pets?'

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

Employee of the Month Parking

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

Excess Baggage: Airline CEO's should be forced to work at the check-in counter explaining those hated add-on fees to passengers.

'Ideally, I'd like a ticket to where ever my luggage is going.'

"On time arrival...check. Paid for drinks...check. Made pleasant conversation...check. Didn't stare at mole...check."

"During our vacation my wife and I went to Paris while our suitcases went to Rome and Athens."

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

"How's my tripping you up?"

"How come I always get the crying baby right behind me?"

"Today's flight is overbooked. Is there someone who would accept a free travel voucher in return for teaching us how to correctly book a flight?"

Safest Airline in The World

'He's trying to figure out why airplanes get bigger while seats get smaller.'

'There he goes over the bag limit again!'

"I know what the airlines charge to check a bag is outrageous, but. . ."

'Wayne, your turn - Darren needs changing!'

"For an extra charge, your flight can come with angst and insecurity."

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

"Can I interest you in our frequent flyer scheme?"

Father Christmas stuck on plane wing

On the monitors behind the check-in desk: Arrivals/Departures/Donations

Airline: Arrivals, Departures, Missing Luggage and Missing Planes.

Notice to travelers: 'Delayed' is the New 'on time'.