Airline Passenger Gifts

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

'Do you have any specific regulations concerning travelling with pets?'

Employee of the Month Parking

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

Excess Baggage: Airline CEO's should be forced to work at the check-in counter explaining those hated add-on fees to passengers.

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

"On time arrival...check. Paid for drinks...check. Made pleasant conversation...check. Didn't stare at mole...check."

'Ideally, I'd like a ticket to where ever my luggage is going.'

"How's my tripping you up?"

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

"During our vacation my wife and I went to Paris while our suitcases went to Rome and Athens."

"How come I always get the crying baby right behind me?"

Safest Airline in The World

'He's trying to figure out why airplanes get bigger while seats get smaller.'

"Today's flight is overbooked. Is there someone who would accept a free travel voucher in return for teaching us how to correctly book a flight?"

"I know what the airlines charge to check a bag is outrageous, but. . ."

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

"For an extra charge, your flight can come with angst and insecurity."

'There he goes over the bag limit again!'

'Wayne, your turn - Darren needs changing!'

"Can I interest you in our frequent flyer scheme?"

Father Christmas stuck on plane wing

On the monitors behind the check-in desk: Arrivals/Departures/Donations

Notice to travelers: 'Delayed' is the New 'on time'.

"You're advised to check a small bag which you wouldn't mind losing as a sacrifice to the Gods of Lost Luggage."