Air Marshals Gifts

'Due to budget cuts, all agents will now be equipped with x-ray glasses.'

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

A military officer sits at his desk with desk trays marked 'Search' and 'Destroy.'

“Oi! This is a no fly zone!”

'But you're an admiral. How can you feel seasick on a waterbed?'

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"I'll put this device onto flight mode when you put this plane onto flight mode."

'So, what do you want to talk about?'

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

'Carry on sailor, just keep swimming around the coast and stick your head up now and again.'

Hip-hop cops on stage.

'That's for false alarms...'

"Six fact checkers spontaneously combusting in one election cycle? Yeah, I am starting to see a pattern, Higgins."

Jet Liner Wipes 'I tell ya, cleanin' the fuselage used to be my least favorite job...'

To prevent geese from flying toward its planes, Jupiter Airlines made some key design changes,

'Wow. The anti-smoking movement really has been successful.'

"The blaze has taken hold on the eight floor Chief. The C.E.O., V.P. and C.O.O. are trapped in the boardroom!!"

Count Von Moltke.

Horatio Nelson

No Cabin Crew Self Service.

'I feel so much safer with an air marshal on board.'

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

Alien crash test dummy emerges from downed UFO.

Fire Assembly Point

The Nautical Step

In case of fire call yourself.

'For me, this is actually an improvement; my wife is home with our octuplets.'

"This way, O' Brien."

'General, You look pale this morning...' - 'I had a nightmare Admiral! I dreamed the war began!'

'Sorry sir, the 'No Steak and Lobster Jokes' sign just came on.'

'Stop kicking the back of my chair!'

Exempli Gratia.

"These new ultra high-spec, night vision glasses are rubbish!" "You need to remove The lens cap."