Air Marshals Gifts

'Due to budget cuts, all agents will now be equipped with x-ray glasses.'

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

A military officer sits at his desk with desk trays marked 'Search' and 'Destroy.'

“Oi! This is a no fly zone!”

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'But you're an admiral. How can you feel seasick on a waterbed?'

"I'll put this device onto flight mode when you put this plane onto flight mode."

'So, what do you want to talk about?'

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

'Carry on sailor, just keep swimming around the coast and stick your head up now and again.'

Hip-hop cops on stage.

'That's for false alarms...'

"The blaze has taken hold on the eight floor Chief. The C.E.O., V.P. and C.O.O. are trapped in the boardroom!!"

'Wow. The anti-smoking movement really has been successful.'

Jet Liner Wipes 'I tell ya, cleanin' the fuselage used to be my least favorite job...'

Count Von Moltke.

"Six fact checkers spontaneously combusting in one election cycle? Yeah, I am starting to see a pattern, Higgins."

Horatio Nelson

No Cabin Crew Self Service.

'I feel so much safer with an air marshal on board.'

Fire Assembly Point

Alien crash test dummy emerges from downed UFO.

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

'For me, this is actually an improvement; my wife is home with our octuplets.'

'Sorry sir, the 'No Steak and Lobster Jokes' sign just came on.'

'Stop kicking the back of my chair!'

Exempli Gratia.

"This way, O' Brien."

In case of fire call yourself.

"These new ultra high-spec, night vision glasses are rubbish!" "You need to remove The lens cap."

'The Grand Lama's gone nuts - We don't NEED fire drills!'

'General, You look pale this morning...' - 'I had a nightmare Admiral! I dreamed the war began!'