Grand Marshal Gifts

"I've thought really long and hard and what I'm trying to say is, while I love you, I only like a parade."

"Hey, dad. We wanna play army before we go to bed. Can we have our toy medals back?"

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

'Upgrades? Yes, we've programmed it to excrete a few drops of water if it should lose a chess match. You know - tears.'

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'You got a search warrant, sheriff?'

"Kid!! We know you're in there!!! Either come out or commence to fightin'!!!!"

The Royal Wii

Honor Our Future Sacrifices

"Hack back with all you've got!"

"World War III? Hmm. O.K., but, remember, nobody gets hurt."

The Lawman

'Now, you can SWASH, and you can BUCKLE, but you can't SWASHBUCKLE.'

'You must have misunderstood, dear -- I'm sure they don't sell old generals at government auctions!'

Hip-hop cops on stage.

'That's for false alarms...'

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

'Wow. The anti-smoking movement really has been successful.'

"Hon, where's the butter?"

'I wish you didn't have to bring your work home with you.'

"Watch yourself Sheriff....Looks like Billy the Kid is back in town!"

"Six fact checkers spontaneously combusting in one election cycle? Yeah, I am starting to see a pattern, Higgins."

'Oh yeah. He's the fastest in the west alright. The fastest out of town, at the first sight of trouble.'

Count Von Moltke.

"Gee, Marshal, he must have been one of the good guys"

"Sure, you're a dictator, son, but Muriel's boy is an absolute dictator."

"The blaze has taken hold on the eight floor Chief. The C.E.O., V.P. and C.O.O. are trapped in the boardroom!!"

General's Coin Toss

"And this one is for being faithful to my wife."

"He was right, you know - a queen can move as many spaces as she likes."

'I feel so much safer with an air marshal on board.'

'You two gun Billy one leg the bandit?'

Fire Assembly Point

"The bomb destroys only all life but not object! This means that our troops can have fun plundering and pillaging. War doesn't have to be inhuman, right?"