Chess Grandmaster Gifts

On the Eve of his epic defeat by 'Deep Blue', Garry Kasparove awoke to an ominous warning,

'Upgrades? Yes, we've programmed it to excrete a few drops of water if it should lose a chess match. You know - tears.'

Anna and Mariya Muzychuk chess champions caricature

Cheers For The Hollyhock Middle School Chess Team

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

Sweep the board.

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

'As meetings go that was one of my better ones!'

To attract a bigger audience, the world chess federation allow fans to distract an opponent when it's his move.

Man mourns the loss of his king after being checkmated.

"Compare Calculate Contrast Before you make a move"

'Some people just aren't cut out for adventure gaming, Bruno — maybe you should try chess or checkers.'

A gorilla plays chess with his keeper.

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

Prawn Amend

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

"Frankly, we’re concerned about your checkered past."

Existential Risk

AIDS prevention

'I can not get this game, the pieces all move like cats.'

"He's sulking because I always beat him at Clue ... "

'Some game dog you are. That's the fifth time in a row you've fallen for the King's Gambit.'

'Do you want to be red Tory or blue Labour?'

"Once inside, the pawns will jump out and take them by surprise."

Chess on TV

Bored Baker

Pawn Stars

Trojan Chess

'Maybe it's me, but I have a feeling we're being used as pawns.'

"Where do you see yourself in five moves?"

"He was right, you know - a queen can move as many spaces as she likes."

Chess player looking dazed playing computer,"He's crashed."

'It's good to see Dad keeping his mind active.'

'I'll have to let you go, Bob - Ted, from accounting, is challenging my position as alpha male!'