Field Marshal Gifts

Bernard Montgomery

Count Von Moltke.

Military officer with 'etc' pinned to his jacket.

Scarecrows guarding a field

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Kid!! We know you're in there!!! Either come out or commence to fightin'!!!!"

'You got a search warrant, sheriff?'

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

The Lawman

'I've decided I'm going to be a fireman when I grow up.'

Justice

'Now, you can SWASH, and you can BUCKLE, but you can't SWASHBUCKLE.'

Hip-hop cops on stage.

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'That's for false alarms...'

"Not guilty"

"That's right, think of yourself all the time! I'm the one who will be losing a client for the next twenty years."

Counsel examining witness

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

"Watch yourself Sheriff....Looks like Billy the Kid is back in town!"

Professional football.

Judge

"Six fact checkers spontaneously combusting in one election cycle? Yeah, I am starting to see a pattern, Higgins."

"The blaze has taken hold on the eight floor Chief. The C.E.O., V.P. and C.O.O. are trapped in the boardroom!!"

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

"Do you swear you haven't embroidered the truth in your testimony today?"

'Wow. The anti-smoking movement really has been successful.'

'Oh yeah. He's the fastest in the west alright. The fastest out of town, at the first sight of trouble.'

"Gee, Marshal, he must have been one of the good guys"

"I don't care if your mother is watching on telly, just get the ball in the net!"

Barrister pointing out dozing judge to the jury

'...and that M'tud, concludes the case for the prosecution.'

"Look, I'm the bobblehead of this team."

'I feel so much safer with an air marshal on board.'

'That's Thompson. Best goalie we've ever had.'