Field Marshal Gifts

Bernard Montgomery

Count Von Moltke.

Military officer with 'etc' pinned to his jacket.

Scarecrows guarding a field

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"Kid!! We know you're in there!!! Either come out or commence to fightin'!!!!"

'You got a search warrant, sheriff?'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

Justice

'I've decided I'm going to be a fireman when I grow up.'

Hip-hop cops on stage.

'Now, you can SWASH, and you can BUCKLE, but you can't SWASHBUCKLE.'

The Lawman

"Not guilty"

'That's for false alarms...'

"That's right, think of yourself all the time! I'm the one who will be losing a client for the next twenty years."

Counsel examining witness

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

"The blaze has taken hold on the eight floor Chief. The C.E.O., V.P. and C.O.O. are trapped in the boardroom!!"

Judge

"Watch yourself Sheriff....Looks like Billy the Kid is back in town!"

'Oh yeah. He's the fastest in the west alright. The fastest out of town, at the first sight of trouble.'

"I don't care if your mother is watching on telly, just get the ball in the net!"

'Wow. The anti-smoking movement really has been successful.'

"Gee, Marshal, he must have been one of the good guys"

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

Professional football.

"Six fact checkers spontaneously combusting in one election cycle? Yeah, I am starting to see a pattern, Higgins."

"Do you swear you haven't embroidered the truth in your testimony today?"

Barrister pointing out dozing judge to the jury

'...and that M'tud, concludes the case for the prosecution.'

"Look, I'm the bobblehead of this team."

"Next year I'm planting rice instead of potatoes"

'That's Thompson. Best goalie we've ever had.'