Aging Theory Enthusiast Gifts

'Last year we celebrated my uncle's 130th birthday. He couldn't be there. He died when he was 30.'

"Why bother?"

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Breast Height Chart

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

Ed's receding hairline!

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

A Freudian slip...

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

Women's sportswear - Sale on paradigm shifts.

Aging Problems

Complexity Made Simple.

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

Theory A Day Calendar.

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"It's too late for a nose job and too early for a face-lift."

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

'They want your underwear.'

'Since you conduct only thought experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought results.'

'I hate to break this to you, Clark, but your buns of steel have turned to jello.'